Tonight: Eurosong 2012

So tonight the five entrants to be Irelands entry at Eurovision 2012 will face off live on the Late Late Show on RTE and it promises to be cheesy fun as Tubberz leads the nation through our candidates and put’s it out to the panel.

If it runs like last year with half phone vote, half panel we imagine it will be a close run contest again, so Team Goldenplec ran the rule over the entries and gave their initial thoughts on the songs. They gave the songs one listen and penned their thoughts. We also asked them to rank them giving 2 points for 5th, 4 points for 4th, 6 points for 3rd, 8 points for 2nd and 10 points for first. Here’s how our panelists rated it.

1) Maria McCool – Mistaken

Vanessa Monaghan
Sean Nos that really should have lent itself to an awesome dance track instead we get a Destiny’s Child-esque Say Your Name refrain with Dolores O’Riordan wannabe vocals. Bad production, not well mixed, needs a much stronger punch. Disappointing. all it’s missing is pan pipes. Maybe this is a Peig Sayers tribute? Anyone know?
Verdict: 5th

Claire Kane
Lovely “Irish sounding” vocals have not helped Ireland out in recent years, and this particular style is particularly annoying. The song is far from special and is likely to bore the pants off our Euro-neighbours.
Verdict: 5th

Craig McDonnell
Instantly forgettable ballad. The song goes absolutely nowhere and should go absolutely nowhere near Eurovision!
Verdict: 5th

Nicola Byrne
Sounds like it could be found on a ‘Euphoria: Return to Tullymongan’ compilation. Eclectic minimal trad with old Celtic infusions, bound to be a hit with the older crowd.
Verdict: 3rd

Lorraine Boshell
Wow this woman has possibly the most annoying voice I have ever heard. The song itself is a bit too boring, just doesn’t seem to go anywhere. Needs to be “Eurofied” if it has any chance; include some dancers, an elaborate cape and some drums otherwise it has no hope.
Verdict: 5th

Orlaith Grehan
Ireland has scored well with this vaguely mystical Celtic style in the past, but surely we’ve moved on from the substandard Enya imitations by now? This could’ve done well in the post-Riverdance glory years, but it takes itself too seriously to make it to the stage in Azerbaijan today.
Verdict: 5th

2) Donna MacCaul – Mercy

Vanessa Monaghan
This is a bit more like it, starts well with its contemporary dance pop vibe. I’d say this could be a grower, pity seeing as you get no more than three minutes at Eurovision. A definite Europop good time track but I’m not sure that this would differentiate itself from other similar songs. A few dodgy lyrics ‘You stole the key to my brain?’ Er ok! And Donna doesn’t completely fail at the breakdown / talky rap bit. We’ve sent a hell of a lot worse to Eurovision.
Verdict: 2nd

Claire Kane
This pop song is certainly not what you would expect from Donna MacCaul given the style of her duo with brother Joe back in 2005. It is a great effort and is the kind of thing that wins the Eurovision; pop vixen, strong voice and a good dose of synth are all ingredients that add up to possible Eurovision success.
Verdict: 2nd

Craig McDonnell
Synth, repeated lyrics and a key change ticks 3 boxes for a good Eurovision song. Unfortunately there are much stronger contenders so will probably finish in 3rd place
Verdict: 3rd

Nicola Byrne
This tune fits in nicely to the Eurovision mantra. Upbeat, catchy and auto-tuned enough to potentially make it to Baku.
Verdict: 2nd

Lorraine Boshell
Well someone is paying attention to Little Boots. This has the potential to be an amazingly camp Euro-tastic hit and stage show. Not sure how I feel about Donna without Joe though, could he be included in some way? Could we have him in the background “djing”?
Verdict: 2nd

Orlaith Grehan
Unmistakingly camp and worryingly catchy, this has a Lady Gaga-lite vibe to it. It’s got the attitude – and key change – to make a strong Eurovision contender but, without her brother by her side this time, Donna could struggle to win out against another sibling duo.
Verdict: 2nd

3) Andrew Mann – Here I Am

Vanessa Monaghan
I have to ‘fess up here. Andrew Mann and myself, once upon a time in a ‘Talent Competition’ went head to head and he got through to the next round.. I’m not bitter. I was young, he sang a Brian Kennedy song. So, Here I Am, intelligent pop/mor, the kind of thing you’d hear a snippet of in a movie but you wouldn’t really want to hear the rest of. Doesn’t really go anywhere, towards the end it starts getting like an 80s ballad. Enough, I’m sorry Andrew, you’re a great singer. This isn’t for me.
Verdict: 3rd place.

Claire Kane
This song has a great pop rock ballad air to it, and as last year’s Eurovision winner was a slow number, we know it is not unheard of for a more emotional song to take the title. It has potential but it lacks that big moment that is likely to grab an audience, which, arguably, all ballads need to make a stir.
Verdict 4th place

Craig McDonnell
Sounds like every male X Factor contestant from the last 5 years. Has no chance of progressing.
Verdict: 4th

Nicola Byrne
The Fray if they were older and Irish. A slow and stretched out ballad, exactly the type of thing that dies a death in the Eurovision. No amount of choreography in the world could bring this to life.
Verdict: 4th

Lorraine Boshell
This sounds exactly how I imagine the first solo Westlife track will sound. As Andrew, while I’m sure a lovely a man, is not a member of Westlife it is even more forgettable. Expect to hear this on a lift journey soon. Nice mini drum solo near the end though.
Verdict 4th

Orlaith Grehan
Sounding like something released by a Pop Idol reject in 2002, you’re more likely to find this gracing the shelves of your local bargain basement than wowing the crowds at Eurovision. Despite the snappy drumming, it’s dull, predictable and – keeping with the loose talent show theme – lacks the X factor to bring in the points on the day.
Verdict: 4th

4) Una Gibney & David Shannon – The Language Of Love

Vanessa Monaghan
Something happened this country when we the Celtic Tiger hit. We stopped caring about Eurovision. Last year proved we care again but this is the kind of tripe we would have happily sent to Eurovision during the late nineties and into the noughties. My ears will never be the same. This is trying to be a bit anthemic theatrical blaster. Awful, how many times can you fit the words ‘Language of love’ into a song? If they knew anything about love they’d know you don’t have to say anything. Embarrassing.
Verdict: 4th place

Claire Kane
This is one uplifting song! The song well thought out, some high moments, so slow moments and constantly oozing romantic sentiments. It is upbeat and narrowly avoids being utterly cheesy; it is a good track but it falls short of Eurovision material, especially when compared to Donna MacCaul and Jedward.
Verdict: 3rd place

Craig McDonnell
Personal favourite. Catchy chorus, nice harmonies, cheesey lyrics and a bit of violin thrown in for Irishness sake. Hope everyone votes for this instead of Jedward as I think it could do really well in Baku.
Verdict: 1st

Nicola Byrne
No thanks. Cheese, and not the good, stretchy kind. The track is full of blown-up sincerity, and there’s no place for that kind of carry on in the Eurovision. The Language of love may speak a thousand words, but won’t get a single vote.
Verdict: 5th

Lorraine Boshell
Has an unmistakably Eurovision sound; definitely not a winning Eurovision sound however. Actually, if selected this would probably fail to even get past the semi-finals. The end really sounds like SIX’s “Whole Lotta Lovin”. Not a bad song but it’s just too Eurovision by numbers, nothing original to give.
Verdict: 3rd

Orlaith Grehan
There has been many the cheesy song preaching a hilariously obvious moral throughout Eurovision history. This one has nailed the combination of upbeat power-pop and complete lack of subtlety (“tonight, our pride of place; united colours, united race”) that has stood that genre so well, but it’s been done before and could get lost in the midst of the usual madness of the competition.
Verdict: 3rd

5) Jedward – Waterline

Vanessa Monaghan
No competition, this is the winner. I’ve always been a pop head and now a recent Jedward convert. The little feckers are exactly what we need, little bundles of hyperactive maniacs! Waterline is a damn good pop song and builds beautifully to the chorus. Why do songwriters forget to do that? There are familiarities here but if I’m correct this was written by some of the Westlife writing team. Going on the tempo here there won’t be a high stool in sight. The track builds and falls and I’m actually quite impressed by the vocals here, whether autotune was used or not, this sounds ace! Love it! To the other entries, don’t bother spending the bus money to RTE.
Verdict: 1st

Claire Kane
A great pop song reminiscent of Westlife (who incidently are missing out on this new found want to actually win the contest), but will they be able to it off live? It is a big song for the spiky haired favourites and it has a very Euro-pop feel about it and it has a more serious vibe than last year’s entry, therefore it could very well be the one to win.
Verdict: 1st

Craig McDonnell
Slightly rockier version of ‘Lipstick’. The Jedward novelty factor is fading so I don’t think they will do as well as last year if they even progress to the final.
Verdict: 2nd

Nicola Byrne
Waterline. I don’t think there’s much competition against these pair. Waterline is just the right mix of inflated pop hooks and upbeat riffs that will no doubt burst with life when Jedward bring it to the stage. The production just creates itself once the first beat kicks in.
Verdict: 1st

Lorraine Boshell
Even without the song we really would be fools to not to send Jedward to represent us; after last year they have built up a huge fan base across Europe and we would be guaranteed to place highly in the finals. The song sounds like a cross between Busted and Backstreet Boys, for me not a patch on “Lipstick” but still a very strong entry. With the right stage production it could definitely give Ireland our eighth win.
Verdict: 1st

Orlaith Grehan
Oh, the 90s, how I’ve missed you: this could’ve come straight off one of the Now! compilations that soundtracked my pop-loving childhood. It’s not as instantly memorable as last years’ entry, but if the twins go heavy on the sequins, dry ice, backing dancers and usual hyperactivity, this could deliver the goods.
Verdict: 1st